Why this Colby Graduate Preaches the Power of Self-Compassion
Christopher Germer ’74 has taught thousands of people not to be so hard on themselves
When Christopher Germer ’74 graduated with a Ph.D. from Temple University in 1978, his psychology acumen sent him down a career path brimming with public speaking engagements.
“I was intimidated by all those talks, and I used to be thinking about them every day leading up to the event,” Germer said in a recent interview. “I remember speaking to a group of 75 therapists, I opened up my mouth, and nothing came out. Someone shouted in the audience, ‘It’s OK, take a breath,’ and that was further humiliating.”
Germer sighed, as if recalling that embarrassing moment pained him physically. “And this went on for 20 years.”
Now living in Cambridge, Mass., and known nationally for his acclaimed work as a therapist specializing in mindful self-compassion, Germer eventually uncovered the source of his anxiety—and the next evolution of his career.
Meditation every morning
He embarked on a meditation retreat where a teacher stressed the importance of loving one’s self and honoring one’s mind and body with compassion. That turnaround in mindset tamped down the anxiety. Every morning before a conference, Germer repeated words he used in his daily meditation practice: “May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I be healthy.” His mind wouldn’t be buzzing with panic when he stepped up to the lectern, he discovered.
Tapping into his emotional intelligence and thought patterns has been core to Germer’s work since then. In 2015, he helped establish the Center for Mindfulness and Compassion at the Cambridge Health Alliance, and he’s published six books on the topic.
Germer’s education center has trained 300,000 people on its eight-week mindful self-compassion program, further disseminating his core theories on a nuanced approach to well-being: we shouldn’t prioritize “outer compassion” and neglect “inner compassion.”
In other words, don’t be so hard on yourself.
‘Be in the moment and don’t be judgmental, but instead be full of acceptance. Now that’s wisdom.’
Christopher Germer ’74
Germer said of his teachings, “I’ve seen immediate positive effects when people give themselves permission to be self-compassionate.”
Finding ways to be open about your vulnerabilities, about what you might not excel at, is part of self-compassion’s positives, he stresses, which can help stave off the panic of imperfection.
The science backs him up. A study found self-compassion is closely associated with emotional resilience, including the ability to soothe ourselves, recognize our mistakes, learn from them, and motivate ourselves to succeed.
But being kind to yourself is only half of his philosophy. “You need compassion and wisdom, and that comes from mindfulness,” he said, adding that being mindful simply means staying present and being aware of your feelings.
“Be in the moment and don’t be judgmental, but instead be full of acceptance,” Germer said. “Now that’s wisdom.”
Marrying the two concepts has led to a busy career for Germer, whose most popular book is The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive.
‘I felt inspired to be a psychologist, thanks to Colby’
Raised in New York and New Jersey, Germer remembers a high school psychology course capturing him immediately, as “it spoke to my introspective, quasi-scientific mind,” he said, “and I felt so at home thinking about human psychology.”
When it came time to consider post-secondary choices, Colby was high on the list.
On Mayflower Hill, he immersed himself in his courses, majored in psychology and found his home in the Psychology Department.
He added how there are innumerable incidents at Colby that “come to mind that have nourished me to this day.” He shared one such moment when he visited a meeting of the Maine Psychological Association in Portland. He recalled, “I got to see psychologists bantering about their ideas with each other, and despite some heated arguments, I decided these were my people.”
Looking back on his time at Colby, Germer paused and then said, “I definitely felt both inspired and empowered to be a psychologist through my experience at Colby.”
Germer traces his passion for mindfulness to his first trip to India sooner after he graduated from Colby. Under the invitation of the Bangalore National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences, Germer conducted research while immersing himself in a country spreading its yoga-friendly practices across the world. Fascinated by the many varieties of yoga and meditation, he returned to India more than a dozen times to study with a variety of teachers.
The next chapter
He came back home with a fresh perspective on what would happen next, in both his life and within society as a whole. In 2007, he partnered with Kristin Neff, a psychology professor at the University of Texas, Austin, and leading researcher on self-compassion. Three years later, they co-developed Mindful Self-Compassion, an empirically supported, eight-week training program. Books and a YouTube channel, and guest spots on Brene Brown’s wildly popular podcast, followed.
“We wanted to teach people that we need to be able to be aware of what we’re feeling, and then we need to not feel ashamed about it,” Germer said. “In other words, we need to say, ‘Other people in my situation would probably feel the same way.’”
Recall how Germer had to frame his outlook in a more compassionate light when he faced public speaking engagements. Too often, shame would weigh him down, and he’d face imposter syndrome. “That anxiety was really making me feel like a fraud in this academic world,” he said.
A lesson for any student or professional who faces a bone-shaking fear, Germer didn’t let that shame take over.
He likens his approach to combating any roadblock to peace or happiness. “This is the amazing thing about self-compassion,” he said. “It’s that self-worth doesn’t come from external approval. It comes from inner warmth and kindness.”
